I feel as though I have been running non-stop my whole life. It has always been one thing after another; school, high school, college, marriage, children, growing a church (in a nutshell). Not everything has been bad, actually most of it has been good. Very good. So, why is it that I have a desire for all of it to slow down and sometimes a desire for it to even stop altogether. I am tired. Very tired. I am exhausted.
Joel and I made the decision to put the kids in school full-time back in February in order to help slow down the pace and have some time to just breath. Deep breath. Breathe. I think it was a wise decision, if for no other reason than to be able to see that my children are healthy kids who have a capability to adapt and adjust to new circumstances. I am very proud of them.
So, here I am on a Monday morning breathing by myself (although Joel is on the phone in another part of the house doing the pastor-thing) and it feels good. God is good. So, here I sit and I have been trying to decide what to do with this gift of time and am asking myself, "Do I have 'to do' anything?" No. No? No.
Even though I now have some space to breath, has my life really changed? No. I am still a wife, mother, teacher, etc. I am still busy. I am still doing one thing after the other but I now feel like I can breath. Is it because the kids are in school? Partially, yes. I think so. But I also think it has do with my outlook and the condition of my heart. I have spent a lot of time whining about my circumstances (busyness, my health, things I can't control) or just being melancholy about them and making no effort to personally improve them.
I am not one to read Christian self-help books. Not at all. But I have a good friend who recommended the book
Loving God with All Your Mind by Elizabeth George. And I reluctantly bought it on my Kindle. Through this book, I have decided to focus on a few goals for myself and here they are;
- To work on what is real, rather than worry about what is unreal.
- To reach forward and press on, rather than remain a prisoner of the past.
- To act on what is revealed in Scripture, rather that trust in my emotions.
Why am I sharing all this? Well, because I need accountability and because I also need my extended family and friends to know and to pray for me and my family. And because Josh wants to see more blogging.
Finally, brethren,
whatever things are true,
whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely,
whatever things are of good report,
if there is any virtue and
if there is anything praiseworthy--
meditate on these things.
Phillippians 4:8
