Add to the Careful-What-You-Pray-For File

This morning I received a message that meant the end of a long-cherished hope (though not of all hope). And I'm afraid that this personal setback threw me into a bit of a funk.
The first thing I had to do was to deal with the demon of self-pity. I remembered that one of the questions from Wesley's list of questions for self-examination was "Am I self-conscious, self-pitying or self-justifying?" I decided that I would not require that anyone coddle me.
The second thing was that I decided to pray that God would use this as a sanctifying event in my life. That's a prayer he usually seems pleased to answer.
Then tonight while I was mopping the art room at the school I began to sing a song and it was one of those moments where God was so real to me that I was able to overlook the fact that he was being hard on me. He drew my attention to the words that I was singing and showed them to me in a new light. The song I found myself singing is a hymn I wrote in response to "O For a Thousand Tongues To Sing," which is a favorite hymn, but its sentiments are more often something I aspire to than something I feel.
This was my response:

How dare I ask for extra tongues,
When my one tongue yet fails,
When all the breath that fills my lungs
Just silently exhales.

I know my Savior bought for me
The free but costly grace:
How ugly then that I should be
So stingy with my praise.

Lord break my heart to mend my voice
And stir with what must sting;
Lord make me cry til I rejoice
And shake me til I sing.

For when the instrument is dull
The Artist must be sharp.
Lord strike me notes til I'm tuneful
And feel my tongue Your harp.

I sing that song pretty frequently while I'm mopping floors at the school. It's a prayer. I think God answered it. I had my heart set on extra tongues though I'm not using the one I have as well as I might. So God broke "my heart to mend my voice."
Oddly, my heart's been a lot easier since that moment that I shared with the Lord in the art room.

Best of all, I can report that I love Jesus more now than I did when I woke up this morning. I love him more than I love my own ambitions, even.